A summary statement of my views:
In broad strokes there are egalitarians who believe that men and women are equal in value and in roles. And there are complementarians who believe that men and women are equal in value but have different God given roles. I hold to the second view.
Right from Genesis God created Adam and Eve with equal value just like all men and women today. This value comes from being created in the image of God. Men and women are both fallen and sinful, yet can be saved by the same Gospel, filled with the same Holy Spirit and have equal access to God.
When it comes to roles, however, and although men and women share many roles, there are some roles given exclusively to men and not women and vice versa. Biologically God clearly gave men and women different roles in procreation and in many other ways. There are three main areas God has forbidden adult women from:
With regards to marriage the husband is the head of his wife (but only his wife and not all women in general). Husbands are to be extra focused on loving their own wife. And wives are to be extra focused on submitting to their own husband.
Q&A
What does being the head of your wife look like?
The relationship of husband and wife is likened to Christ and the Church. While there are some differences because Christ was sinless and husbands are not, we should pattern much of our relationship from that example.
A husband ought to tell his wife what to do at times because Christ does that with the Church. (Also, if he never takes charge then she will have nothing to submit to and not be able to obey God’s command for her.) While doing this he must lead by example by being totally submitted to Christ just as Christ was to the Father.
A husband should not always get his way. Not even Jesus did as we see in the Garden of Gethsemane. This is not only because he must submit to God but because he must be an example to his wife. So while he might ban a tv, for instance, that seems to be taking his wife’s heart away from God and her responsibilities towards their children, he must make sure that he is giving up his phone or whatever likewise takes his eyes off of Christ. This is because Christ, who asks us to give up many earthly pleasures, also gave up the pleasures of Heaven for our sake.
A husband should want to give good gifts and make his wife happy because God wants to give us good gifts and give us joy. But sin often makes us happy for a season and some gifts are bad for us in the long run. So a husband must keep his eyes on the eternal rather than the temporary. Genesis 3:6 says that Adam was with Eve when she ate the fruit. Eve wanted something that was bad for her and Adam should have stopped her. On the flip side it would have also been wrong if Adam had banned Eve from all the other fruit trees that God had given for both their pleasure. So husbands should not call unclean what God has called clean, nor call clean what God calls unclean.
According to Ephesians 5:25-27 the goal of husbands should be to one day be able to present their wife to Christ in splendor without spot of wrinkle, holy to the Lord. The happy wife—happy life saying is usually applied to the hear and now. Husbands buy their wife jewelry and cars and coats to make them happy. But potentially those things can, in some wives, take their focus off of Christ and on to earthly possessions. But husbands who give gifts to their wives yet are more focused on helping their wives be holy and store up treasure in heaven will be eternally richer. And again, just as Christ showed us, husbands should lead by example in all of this, taking the speck out of their own eye before helping their wife take the log out of theirs.
But husbands should not just lead with rules any more than Christ leads with the law. He has a law and it must be followed. But the law shows that we are lawbreakers and points to Christ as our only hope. When we break the law Christ doesn’t just say try harder, He says turn to Me, repent, I will forgive you and give you grace, you can’t do this on your own, you need the savior. Husbands should do the same when their wife disobeys them. Rather than just rebuking or telling them to try harder, or ignoring it, they need to remind their wife of the Gospel that she can’t fully submit, that she needs the savior every bit as much as her likewise sinful husband does. And just as Christ gives the husband grace and forgiveness, so too he needs to give it to her all the more because while it is difficult to submit to a perfect God, it is even harder to submit to a sinful man.
Lastly, but most importantly, husbands should love their wives. Obviously wives should love their husbands since we are all commanded to love God and neighbor. But this is specifically emphasized to husbands. Perhaps because husbands are least likely to do so or perhaps because she should be extra loved by him. I think both are true. Most husbands would claim to love their wives but not near as many do and all fall short.
Take 1 Corinthians 13 for starters. If a husband doesn’t love his wife it is a worthless relationship. You can be a good communicator, knowledgeable, skillful, and generous to your wife all without love. Do you get impatient with your wife at times? That shows a lack of love. Do you sometimes speak unkindly to her? Perhaps in an argument even? That shows a lack of love. Do you envy your wife’s role in some way? Do you boast about your role or how in some ways you have it better than your wife? Are you ever arrogant that you know better than her? Are you ever rude to her? Are you ever selfish? As the head it is very easy to be selfish and get away with it, perhaps without others even noticing. All these show a lack of love towards her. Are husbands ever irritated by their wives or even resentful? And on the list goes. While wives often fall short of the submission they are called to, husbands very often fall short of the love they are called to.
What does submitting to your husband look like?
The relationship of husband and wife is likened to Christ and the Church. While there are some differences because Christ was sinless and husbands are not, we should pattern much of our relationship from that example.
A wife ought to help her husband. As Proverbs 20:18 says "Plans are established by counsel; by wise guidance wage war." Your husband needs your help. If he is a pastor you are part of what qualifies him. If he is a father you are what made him one. God said that it was not good for a man to be alone. You make it good. Don’t be a silent partner who never gives him advice or encourages him because then he will be loosing out on the benefits you are to him. He has blind spots and weaknesses just as you do, so pool your God given gifts together. Be balanced in all of this; don’t be a silent partner and don’t be a nagging partner either.
Be an example to your husband of what Godly submission looks like even when you don’t want to so that he will be reminded to submit to God even when he doesn’t want to. Know that you are protected from some of God’s judgement when you give godly council to him but ultimately submit to his decisions. Don’t think or act like you are inferior to your husband because of your role because Jesus is not inferior to the Father yet submits to Him in all things.
By being under his authority you have authority. When a centurion asked Jesus to heal his servant in Matthew 8:8-9 the centurion said that he too was a man UNDER authority with soldiers under him. The only reason he could command soldiers was because he was under Caesar. The only reason a police man has authority is because he is under the authority of the government that gives him that authority. If he goes rogue he loses his authority because he is no longer under authority. So the authority you have over your kids is because you are under your husbands authority. Lead them by example so that one day they will cheerfully submit to God.
Hopefully if the husband is doing what God has commanded him to do this will never occur but there are times when a wife will have to decide between obeying God or her husband. In that case it is better to obey God. But nothing a Christian does should be out of rebellion. So even in disobeying the husband her focus should still be on submission (submission to God, that is). This is for the husband’s benefit (although he may foolishly not see it that way) because it is showing him that Christ is King of kings and Lord of lords and Husband of husbands.
Doesn’t submission mean that woman are beneath men?
Children submit to parents but are not of less worth. According to Luke 2:51 Jesus submitted to Joseph and Mary but He certainly wasn’t beneath them! All of us submit to our country’s leaders but they are not more valuable as people to God. Bosses are not worth more in God’s eyes than employees. Christ submitted to the Father and yet is equal to Him. If He, the creator of the universe submitted himself to the Father’s will to the point of a gruesome death, we should be willing to follow his example. Also, husbands are commanded to submit to governing authorities and to God so there should be no such thing as an unsubmissive believer.
It should also be noted that just as we should all love each other, husbands are specifically told to love their wives. So too we are all to submit to one another but wives should especially submit to their own husband. Ephesians 5:18-22 Perhaps this focus on wives submitting is because they are least likely to want to or because she should be submissive to him. I think both are true. Many wives would claim to submit to their husbands but not near as many do and all fall short.
Why can’t women teach adult men authoritatively?
While the Bible doesn’t explicitly state why I have a theory
James 3:1 "Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness."
I think it is a protection to keep women from doing something that results in a stricter judgement by God. James goes on in that passage to say that the tongue is impossible to fully tame and it can cause tremendous damage and end up in hell. Teaching involves the tongue and he who teaches is playing with fire. It must be done with fear and trembling.
Ultimately, whatever you think of my theory, do it because God said to and, as it says in John 14:15, “if you love [God], you will keep [His] commandments.”. God chose the Levites to be priests and it would have been wrong for the Benjaminites to become priests. God chose Israel to have a certain piece of land for themselves and it would have been wrong for a neighboring country to take it for themselves. God chose Moses and when people wanted to replace them they found out they were in opposition to God.
Is the teaching prohibition more specific than just no teaching others ever?
I believe it is.
1 Timothy 2:12 “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.”
Titus 2:3-5 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
How do we say ‘amen’ to both of these passages and obey both? When looking 1 Timothy 2:12 the words for ‘woman’ and ‘man’ are both singular and referring to adults (adult female and adult male). In light of this I have no problem with women teaching children or other women, only women teaching adult men. Therefore they can teach children. Proverbs 1:8 says “Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching”
Are there any roles women have that men don’t?
Only men can be pastors, but pastors must be married with children. Therefore the role of a pastor’s wife is given only to women. That is the role of being the primary helper (for Adam was given Eve as his primary helper). It is also the role of being the closest companion of the pastor (for the two were made one in a unique relationship)
Don’t different roles imply a different value?
Value in God’s eyes is not based on what someone can do, but rather who they are. Cripples are not worth less to God than people with working legs. God does not value fathers way more than infants. He doesn’t value the rich more than the poor or the strong more than the weak.
1 Corinthians 1:25-29 “For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.”
Was Eve also made in God’s image?
Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Adam was made from God so he is in God’s image. Eve was made from Adam so you might argue that she was made in Adam’s image rather than God’s. For one, his image is God’s image, but also that would mean that I am made in my father and mother’s image rather than God’s. Clearly we pass the image of God on to future descendants just as Adam did with Eve
Was Eve given the same role as Adam?
Genesis 1:28 “And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.””
Adam and Eve were both given the roles of subduing the earth and having dominion over animals. Yet she is called his helper so there are distinctions in their roles as well. Furthermore, Adam named Eve in Genesis 2:23. Who gets to name an invention? The inventor. Why do parents have the right to name their kids and not other people’s kids? Why do countries name their own towns and cities but not one another? Why did God name Jesus and not Joseph? Why did God name Abraham and Israel? It is because they are in charge of them and look after them. That is why God named Adam and Adam named Eve.
Is the teaching/authority restriction for women only in the context of the church?
If you take a look at the context of 1 Timothy 2:12 (vs 8-10) I would say that all these should be obeyed regardless of whether you are with a group of believers or not. If you look at the reasoning for the prohibition in vs 13-14 it talks about Adam and Eve which, at least to me, does not restrict it to the context of the church only. So my answer in short is no. To show you how I would practically work this out then, I would be ok with my wife being a school teacher but not a professor.
Do husbands own their wives?
In a way, but I wouldn’t use that language. Do parents own their children? If you kidnap one of my kids I could say you stole them and that they are rightfully mine and not yours. But it is better to think of them as a gift from God that I have been generously given. In the same way a wife is an excellent gift from God. She is not yours to do with as you want, but rather a gift to be stewarded in a way pleasing to God. If, as I hope she is, is a believer then she is God’s daughter and He’s watching you! And if she isn’t a believer then she was still precious enough of a gift from God that He died for her so don’t you dare hurt what Christ, the creator of the universe, gave His life for.
What are some of the negatives associated with leading?
Throughout Scripture Adam is singled out exclusively for sinning, not Eve. She ate the fruit first, but Adam is ultimately blamed. There are many possible answers. Perhaps he was the first to sin in his heart. Perhaps it was because of his role in marriage he was ultimately held responsible. Or perhaps it was because he committed willful sin rather than being tricked. Regardless there seems to be a pattern of leaders being judged more severely in the Bible.
Luke 12:47-48 “And that servant who knew his master's will but did not get ready or act according to his will, will receive a severe beating. But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating. Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.”
Can women be deacons?
Romans 16:1 “I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a deacon of the church in Cenchreae.” (NIV)
I switched from ESV to NIV for this verse because of the main translations (ESV, ASV, KJV, CSB, etc.) only the NIV and NLT translate it as deacon. This is because the word for deacon usually just refers to a servant but they felt that deacon was a more appropriate translation here since the context is of the congregation. I tend to think she just served the church. 1 Timothy 3:8-13 seems to make the office of deacon male only. If it turns out I am wrong and the NIV is correct then here are the best theories I have heard:
But as I said before, these theories are only necessary if the NIV and NLT are correct.
What does it mean for women to be silent in church?
1 Corinthians 14:34-35 “the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.”
In context there are three “keep silent” commands. In vs 28 public tongues speakers without an interpreter should keep silent. In vs 30 where there are multiple prophets while one is speaking the other prophets should keep silent. And in vs 34 women should keep silent.
There are many views on this passage. Here are 4 views. I personally agree with view 4 the most:
What about women in the Bible who were leaders?
In the Old Testament:
Miriam was a prophetess and lead women in singing (Exodus 15:20-21). She was not teaching or leading adult men or being a pastor.
Huldah was a prophetess whom a king consulted (2 Kings 22:14). She was not teaching or leading adult men or being a pastor.
Isaiah’s wife was a prophetess (Isaiah 8:3). She was not teaching or leading adult men or being a pastor.
Deborah was a prophetess and adjudicated tricky disputes (Judges 4:4-5). She was not teaching or leading adult men or being a pastor.
Jezebel was a wicked queen whom I don’t think women should emulate in any way. The same goes for Athaliah who reigned in Israel by killing all who stood in her way.
Esther was queen of a foreign nation but she was not leading people. She only did things with king Ahasuerus’ permission. She was not teaching or leading adult men or being a pastor.
Proverbs 31 describes a good example of a woman running a business and giving wisdom and making discissions. She was not teaching or leading adult men or being a pastor.
In the New Testament:
There are multiple examples of prophetesses (Acts 2:17, Acts 21:9, 1 Corinthians 11:5)
Nympha hosted a congregation in her house but that doesn’t mean she was leading the congregation. Furthermore, it is difficult to tell from the manuscript evidence whether Nympha was a man or a woman and whether the word should be translated ‘his’, ‘her’, or ‘their’ house. While we shouldn't use an ambiguous passage to build doctrine on, it is entirely possible that a woman owned and probably hosted the congregation as did Mary in Acts 12:12.
Euodia and Syntyche worked alongside Paul (Philippians 4:2-3) but we don’t know in what capacity.
Priscilla and Aquila taught Apollos in private (Acts 18:24-26). While the word is ‘explain’ rather than ‘teach’ I don’t think there is much of a practical difference between those words. This is a positive example of a married couple privately educating a man on doctrine. This is not an example of a woman alone publicly teaching a congregation in a formal capacity.
Apphia is mentioned and maybe has a house where a church meets (Philemon 1:1-2). There is no indication that she or any of them have a leadership role over the congregation.
Elderly women are mentioned in 1 Timothy 5:9-10 and Titus 2:3-5. While these widows were elderly that does not mean they were elders any more than assuming that the oldest people in our congregations are automatically elders.
Is prophecy the same as teaching?
While prophecy might seem similar to teaching the Bible consistently differentiates between the two as should we. In general I think that prophecy is sharing a message the prophet has heard from God and teaching is explaining what God has already said.
How would you challenge egalitarians?